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The Diary of Adam and Eve

By Mark Twain, adapted for the stage by Gerald P. Murphy

Characters

Adam Eve

God’s Voice

(At rise, the Garden of Eden. Adam, dressed very casually in a tee shirt and denim jeans (shoes optional) sits sadly on a bench stage centre. Set is simple, with greenery all around, including a tree upstage centre with one large apple dangling from a branch as Adam moans.)

Adam: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi (Adam looks above for an answer, then repeats.)

Adam: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi (Another pause.)

Adam: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhi

God:      What are you meaning about?

Adam:   I’m bored, Lord!

God:      Bored Lord! That rhymes.

Adam:   Yes, you’re not the only creative one here!

God:      Yes, indeed! That’s because I made you in my image!

Adam:   But I’m bored out of my gourd, Lord!

God:      Why should you be bored? I made you the boss down there. You have

dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth!

Adam:   What does it matter if I’m boss if I have no one to share the earth with?

God:      So you are feeling isolated?

Adam:   I guess that’s a good word for it. I don’t have a very good vocabulary, you know. But if isolated means I feel lonely and deserted and desolate, that’s me!

God:      I had a feeling that would be the next step and I’ve been working on a

solution. I’m going to create a Woman. She’ll wash and cook for you and she’ll do a lot of other things for you that you can’t even imagine in your current naive state. In fact, she’ll be everything that’s wonderful and perfect! And she’ll make you happy as happy can be!

Adam:   That sounds great, God., but how much will this Woman cost me?

God:      I was thinking an arm and a leg.

Adam:   (Ponders this a bit) That sounds a bit steep for me, Lord. What can I get

for a rib?

(Sound of angry thunder.)

God:      For a rib you can have Eve!

Adam:   (To himself.) I have a feeling this Eve won’t be much of a bargain!

(Blackout. At rise, Eve is entering from stage left, thrilled with her surroundings.

She has long hair and wears a light green blouse and a short white skirt. She sits

on a stool downstage left.)

Eve:       I arn almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday. That is as it seems to

me. And it must be so, for if there was a day – before – yesterday I was not there when it happened or I would remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I was not noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any day – before – yesterday happens I will make a note of it.

(Adam enters from stage right and sits at a stool downstage right.)

Adam:   This new creature with the long hair is a good deal in the way. It is always

hanging around and following me about. I don’t like this. I wanted company, but not perpetual company. It never leaves me alone. I wish it would stay with the other animals.

Eve:       I feel like an experiment. I feel exactly like an experiment, it would be

impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do, and so I am coming to feel convinced that that is what I am – an experiment; just an experiment, and nothing more.

Adam:   Can you hear it? Can you hear it? It never shuts up!

Eve:       Why are you being so mean to me?

Adam:   I’m not mean to you! I just want some peace. I thought I was unhappy

because I was alone and now all I do is yearn for solitude!

Eve:       I can’t help it if I feel the need to speak. That’s the way I was made! And

stop calling rne “it.” I’m not an “it,” I’m a “she.”

Adam:   Your name is “she”?

Eve:       No, my name is Eve. She stands for me.

Adam:   You make no sense whatsoever.

Eve:       Yes, I do. Eve is my proper name. But you can also give me other names

like         “me” and “you” and “she” and “her.” I call these words pronouns.

Adam:   And that’s another thing. Where does it…

Eve:       Not “it”! Call me “she”

Adam:   Okay. I’ll go along with that. So, where does she get off coming up with

words   like pronoun and proper noun? Who gave you permission? I was here before you!

Eve:       You called me “you.”

Adam:   So?

Eve:       That means you are not stupid! You can learn!

Adam:   Of course I can learn. I’m older than you so I’m smarter. And what’s all this

nonsense about being an experiment?

Eve:       I’ve come to the conclusion that all of this is an experiment.

Adam:   Am I a part of this experiment?

Eve:       Yes, you are a part of it. But I think I am the main part.

Adam:   I thought / would be the biggest part if this were an experiment!

Eve:       Really? You? That’s a good point. Is my position assured, or do I have to

watch    it and take care of it? Some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price of

supremacy.

Adam:   Eternal vigilance?

Eve:       Isn’t that a wonderful phrase for one so young as 1?

Adam:   I’m leaving.

Eve:       Where are you going?

Adam:   Anywhere away from you!

Eve:       Why?

Adam:   Because 1 want to go and name some things before you do!

Eve:       Like the dodo?

Adam:   Right, the dodo! You called it a dodo for absolutely no reason except a

mere     waywardness and imbecility!

Eve:       1 had a good reason. It looks exactly like a dodo, so why shouldn’t 1 call it a

dodo?

Adam:   It looks no more like a dodo than 1 do! (Pause, as he thinks this last

statement might be true.) I’m going to build a shelter againstthe rain. And you are not invited! (He exits stage right.)

Eve:       When the dodo carne along he thought it was a wildcat-1 saw it in his eye.

But l saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that could hurt his pride. Ijust spoke up in a quite natural way of pleasing surprise, and not as if I was dreaming of conveying information, and said, “Well, I do declare, if there isn’t the dodo!” I explained – without seeming to be explaining – how I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little piqued that I know the creature when he didn’t it was quite evident that he admired me. That was very agreeable, and I thought of it more than once with gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when we feel we have earned it!

(She wanders about the stage now as she talks.)

Eve:       Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of finishing

up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, and some of the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that the aspects were quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art should not be subjected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly rnarvelously close to being perfect, notwithstanding the shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others. But that can be remedied presently, no doubt. (She looks up at the sky.)

Eve:       The moon got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme – a

very great loss, it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn’t another thing among the ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. Ah well, no one’s perfect! (Eve exits stage left as Adam enters stage left with four pieces of four foot by four foot paneling to build a shed with three sides and a roof. He constructs this very flimsy shed by taping the sides together and laying the last panel on top for a roof. It is not fair to ask where the paneling and tape came from since this is a theological mystery.)

Adam:   Perhaps I ought to remember that she is very young, a mere girl, and make

allowances. She is all interest, eagerness, and vivacity. The world is to her a charm, a wonder, a mystery, a joy, she can’t speak for delight when she finds a new flower. She must pet it and caress it and smell it and talk to it, and pour out endearing names upon it.

And she is color mad – brown rocks, yellow sand, grey moss, green foliage, blue sky; the pearl of the dawn, the purple shadows on the mountains, the golden islands floating in crimson seas at sunset, the pallid moon sailing through the shredded cloud – rack, the star – jewels glittering in the wastes of space – none of them is of any practical value, so far as I can see, but because they have color and majesty, that is enough for her, and she loses her mind over them. If she could quiet down and keep still a couple of minutes at a time, it would be a reposeful spectacle.

(Eve enters stage left and sees Adam working on the shed.)

Eve:       My first sorrow. Yesterday he avoided me and seemed to wish I would not

talk to him. I could not believe it, and thought there was some mistake, for I loved to be with him, and loved to hear him talk, and so how could it be that he could feel unkind toward me when I had not done anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat in the place where I first saw him the morning we were made and I did not know what he was and was indifferent about him; but now it was a mournful place, and every little thing spoke of him, and my heart was very sore. I do not know why very clearly, for this is a new feeling; I had not experienced this feeling before, and it was all a mystery, and I cannot understand this new emotion.

(Eve goes to the shelter.)

Adam:   Why are you here?

Eve:       It will rain soon. May I share your shelter?

Adam:   Leave rne in peace!

Eve:       Would you deny rne a dry place out of the weather?

Adam:   I was here first. It is rny shelter, I built it. You must go off by yourself and

build      your own shelter. There is no room in the inn!

Eve:       But soon it will be dark. Must I sleep outside in the rain?

Adam:   I did not ask you to come here. And I will not ask you to stay!

Eve:       (Crying) You are wicked to me for no reason!

Adam:   Go away from my shelter! Leave at your own chosen speed!

Eve:       You are a bad man!

(She exits stage left, crying aloud as Adam comes out of the shelter.)

Adam:   If she would just be quiet! In that case I think I could enjoy looking at her,

indeed I am sure I could, for I am coming to realize that she is a quite remarkably comely creature – lithe, slender, trim, rounded, shapely, nimble, graceful, and once when she was standing marble – white and sun – drenched on a boulder, with her young head tilted back and her hand shading her eyes, watching the flight of a bird in the sky, I recognized that she was beautiful. Oh, no! Here comes the loudmouth beauty queen.

(He exits stage right as Eve enters stage right.)

Eve:       Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and today, Friday- all without seeing him.

It is a long time to be alone, still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome. I had to have company -1 was made for it, I think – so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest disposition and the politest ways, they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they’ve got one, and they are always ready for a rornp or an excursion or anything you want to propose. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn’t been lonesome for rne, ever. Lonesome! No, I should say not. Why, there’s always a swarm of them around – sometimes as much as four or five acres – you can’t count them; and when you stand on a rock in the midst and look out over the furry expanse it is so mottled and splashed and gay with color and frisking sheen and sun – flash, and so rippled with stripes, that you might think it was a lake, only you know it isn’t, and there’s storms of sociable birds, and hurricanes of whirring wings, and when the sun strikes all that feathery commotion, you have a blazing up of all the colors you can think of, enough to put your eyes out. We have made long excursions, and I have seen a great deal of the world, almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one. When we are on the march, it is an imposing sight- there’s nothing like it anywhere.

For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant. He hoists me up with his trunk, but I can get off myself; when we are ready to camp, he sits and I slide down the back way. Of course, I don’t need to bring a suitcase with me. The elephant already comes with a trunk! That’s a joke! I made a joke! The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must be a foreign language, for I cannot make out a word they say, yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am, for I want to be the principal Experiment myself – and I intend to be,

too.

Eve:       I have learned a number of things, and arn educated, now, but I wasn’t at

first. I was ignorant at first. At first it used to vex rne because, with all rny watching, I was never smart enough to be around when the water was running uphill; but now I do not mind it. I have experimented and experimented until now I know it never does run uphill, except in the dark. I know it does in the dark, because the pool never goes dry, which it would, of course, if the water didn’t come back in the night. It is best to prove things by actual experiment; then you know, whereas if you depend on guessing and supposing and conjecturing, you never get educated. I guess that makes me the first scientist!

Adam:   Saturday… The new creature calls herself Eve and she eats way too much

fruit. We are going to run short, most likely. “We” again – that is its word, mine, too, now, from hearing it so much. Good deal of fog this morning. I do not go out in the fog myself.

This new creature does. It goes out in all weathers, and stumps right in with its muddy feet. And talks. It used to be so pleasant and quiet here.

Adam:   Sunday… Pulled through. This day is getting to be more and more trying. It

was selected and set apart last November as a day of rest. I had already six of them per week before. This morning found Eve trying to knock apples out of that forbidden tree. She has been climbing that tree again. I knocked her out of it. She said nobody was looking. Seems to consider that a sufficient justification for chancing any dangerous thing. The poor thing lacks the manly logic of a manly man. Told her that. She just rolled hereyes. She does that a lot. The word justification moved her admiration – and envy, too, I thought. It is a good word.

Adam:   Tuesday… She told rne she was made out of a rib taken from my body.

This is at least doubtful, if not more than that. I have not missed any rib and I believe in the literal interpretation of things. She is in much trouble about the buzzard; says grass does not agree with it; is afraid she can’t raise it, thinks it was intended to live on decayed flesh. Isn’t that cute? She thinks we should give that ugly bird it’s own bowl of liquid putrefaction. Well, I told her the buzzard must get along the best it can with what is provided. We cannot overturn the whole scheme to accommodate the buzzard.

Eve:       Friday… He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is

sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. Although he talks so little, he has quite a considerable vocabulary. This morning he used a surprisingly good word. He evidently recognized, himself, that it was a good one, for he worked it in twice afterward, casually. It was good casual art. Still it showed that he possesses a certain quality of perception. Without a doubt that seed can be made to grow, if cultivated. Where did he get that word? I do not think I have ever used it. And he took no interest in my name. He said, “What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.” I tried to hide my disappointment, but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss – bank with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some one to look at, someone to talk to. It is not enough – that lovely white body painted there in the pool – but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. Itmirrorsme. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I arn sad, it comforts rne with its sympathy, it says, “Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl, I will be your friend.” It is a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. That first time that she forsook mel Ah, I shall never forget that – never, never. My heart was a brick in my bodyl I said, “She was all I had, and now she is gone!” In my despair I said, “Break, my heart, I cannot bear my life any more!” and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I sprang into her arms!

Adam:   Saturday… She fell in the pond yesterday when she was looking at herself

in it, which she is always doing. She nearly strangled, and said it was most uncomfortable. This made her sorry for the creatures which live in there, which she calls fish, for she continues to fasten names on to things that don’t need them and don’t come when they are called by them, which is a matter of no consequence to her, she is such a numbskull, anyway; so she got a lot of them out and brought them in last night and put them in my bed to keep warm, but I have noticed them now and then all day and I don’t see that they are any happier there then they were before, only quieter. When night comes I shall throw them outdoors. I will not sleep with them again, for I find them clammy and unpleasant to lie among when a person hasn’t anything on.

Adam:   Tuesday… She has taken up with a snake now. The other animals are

glad, for she was always experimenting with them and bothering them; and I am glad because the snake talks, and this enables me to get a rest.

Eve:       Friday… The snake advises me to try the fruit of the tree, and says theresult will be a great and fine and noble education.

Adam:   There would be another result, too – it would introduce death into the world.

Even:     That’s wonderful! Then we could save the sick buzzard, and furnish fresh

meat to the despondent lions and tigers.

Adam:   My advice to you is to keep away from the tree.

Eve:       I don’t need to obey you in this I

Adam:   I foresee trouble. Will emigrate.

Adam:   Wednesday… I have had a variegated time. I escaped last night, and rode

a horse all night as fast as he could go, hoping to get clear of the Garden and hide in some other country before the trouble should begin; but it was not to be. About an hour after sun – up, as I was riding through a flowery plain where thousands of animals were grazing, slumbering, or playing with each other, according to their wont, all of a sudden they broke into a tempest of frightful noises, and in one moment the plain was a frantic commotion and every beast was destroying its neighbor. I knew what it meant – Eve had eaten that fruit, and death was come into the world…. The tigers ate my horse, paying no attention when I ordered them to desist, and they would have eaten me if I had stayed – which I didn’t, but went away in much haste. I found this place, outside the Garden, and was fairly comfortable for a few days, but she has found me out. In fact I was not sorry she came, for there are but meager pickings here, and she brought some of those apples. I was obliged to eat them because I was so hungry.

Eve:       It was against his principles, but I find that principles have no real force

except when one is well fed.

Adam:   She carne curtained in boughs and bunches of leaves, and when I asked

her what she meant by such nonsense, and snatched thern away and threw thern down, she tittered and blushed. I had never seen a person titter and blush before, and to rne it seemed unbecoming and idiotic.

Eve:       He will soon know how it was himself.

Adam:   Eve was correct. Hungry as I was, I laid down the apple half – eaten -

certainly the best one I ever saw, considering the lateness of the season – and arrayed myself in the discarded boughs and branches, and then spoke to her with some severity and ordered her to go and get some more and not make a spectacle of herself.

Eve:       I did it, and after this we crept down to where the wild – beast battle had

been, and collected some skins, and I patched together a couple of suits proper for public occasions. They are uncomfortable, it is true, but stylish, and that is the main point about clothes.

Adam:   I find Eve is a good deal of a companion. I see I should be lonesome and

depressed without her, now that I have lost my property. Another thing, she says it is ordered that we work for our living hereafter. She will be useful. I will superintend.

Eve:       Ten days later. Adam! You are the cause of the disaster!

Adam:   How is that?

Eve:       The Serpent assured me that the forbidden fruit was not apples; it was

chestnuts.

Adam:   Wait a minute. That’s just plain foolish. Besides, even if that were true, I’m

innocent because I have never eaten a chestnut.

Eve:       No.no! Not that sort of chestnut. The Serpent informed rne that a

“chestnut”          was a figurative term meaning an aged and moldy joke.

Adam:   All my jokes are new jokes! The world has just begun! How can my jokes be old?

Eve:       Did you make any joke at the time of the catastrophe?

Adam:   Just that one joke. But I didn’t even say it to anyone else, just myself.

Eve:       What was it?

Adam:   I was looking at the waterfall and I said to myself, “How wonderful it is to see

that vast body of water tumble down there!” Then in an instant a bright thought flashed into my head, and I let it fly, saying, “It would be a deal more wonderful to see it tumble up there!” I was just about to kill myself with laughing at it when all nature broke loose in war and death and I had to flee for my life.

Eve:       There! That is just it! The Serpent mentioned that very jest, and called it

the First Chestnut, and said it was coeval with creation!

Adam:   Alas! I am indeed to blame. Would that I were not witty! Oh,thatlhad

never had that radiant thought! And then came the new creature.

(Eve exits and returns with something in a little blanket that is probably a baby.)

Eve:       Now it is next year. We have named it Cain.

Adam:   She caught it while I was up country trapping on the north shore of the river,

caught it in the timber a couple of miles from our dug – out – or it might have been four, she isn’t certain which. It resembles us in some ways, and may be a relation. That is what she thinks, but this is an error, in my judgment. The difference in size warrants the

conclusion that it is a different and new kind of animal – a fish, perhaps, though when I put it in the water to see, it sank, and she plunged in and snatched it out before there was opportunity for the experiment to determine the matter. I still think it is a fish, but she is indifferent about what it is, and will not let me have it to try. I do not understand this. The coming of the creature seems to have changed her whole nature and made her unreasonable about experiments. She thinks more of it than she does of any of the other animals, but is not able to explain why. Her mind is disordered – everything shows it. Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it complains and wants to get to the water. At such times the water comes out of the places in her face that she looks out of, and she pats the fish on the back and makes soft sounds with her mouth to soothe it, and betrays sorrow and solicitude in a hundred ways. I have never seen her do like this with any other fish, and it troubles me greatly. She used to carry the young tigers around so, and play with them, before we lost our property, but it was only play, she never took on about them like this when their dinner disagreed with them.

Eve:       Are you my sweet little ookum tookums? Are you my sweet little ookum

tookurns?

Adam:   It isn’t a fish. I cannot quite make out what it is. It makes curious devilish

noises when not satisfied, and says “goo – goo” when it is. It is not one of us, for it doesn’t walk; it is not a bird, for it doesn’t fly, it is not a frog, for it doesn’t hop; it is not a snake, for it doesn’t crawl, I feel sure it is not a fish, though I cannot get a chance to find out whether it can swim or not. It merely lies around, and mostly on its back, with its feet up. I have not seen any other animal do that before. I said I believed it was an enigma;

but she only admired the word without understanding it. In rny judgment it is either an enigma or some king of a bug. If it dies, I will take it apart and see what its arrangements are. I never had a thing perplex me so.

Eve:       Are you my sweet little ookum tookums? Are you my sweet little ookum

tookums? Does my sweet little ookum tookums needs its nap?

(Eve exits with baby.)

Adam:   Three Months Later. The perplexity augments instead of diminishing. I

sleep but little. It has ceased from lying around, and goes about on its four legs now. Yet it differs from the other four – legged animals, in that its front legs are unusually short, consequently this causes the main part of its person to stick up uncomfortably high in the air, and this is not attractive. It is built much as we are, but its method of traveling shows that it is not of our breed. The short front legs and long hind ones indicate that it is of the kangaroo family, but it is a marked variation of that species, since the true kangaroo hops, whereas this one never does. Still it is a curious and interesting variety, and has not been catalogued before. As I discovered it, I have felt justified in securing the credit of the discovery by attaching my name to it, and hence have called it Karigaroorum Adamienis. It must have been a young one when it came, for it has grown exceedingly since. It must be five times as big now as it was then, and when discontented it is able to make from twenty – two to thirty – eight times the noise it made at first. Coercion does not rnodity this, but has the contrary effect. For this reason I discontinued the system.

Eve:       I reconcile it by persuasion, and by giving it things which I had previously

told Adam I wouldn’t give it.

Adam:   As already observed, I was not at home when it first carne, and she told me

she found it in the woods. It seems odd that it should be the only one, yet it must be so, for I have worn myself out these many weeks trying to find another one to add to my collection, and for this to play with, for surely then it would be quieter and we could tame it more easily. But I find none, nor any vestige of any; and strangest of all, no tracks. It has to live on the ground, it cannot help itself, therefore, how does it get about without leaving a track? I have set a dozen traps, but they do no good. I catch all small animals except that one; animals that merely go into the trap out of curiosity, I think, to see what the milk is there for. They never drink it.

Eve:       Three Months Later… My little ookum tookums still continues to grow, which

is very strange and perplexing. I never knew one to be so long getting its growth. It has fur on its head now, not like kangaroo fur, but exactly like our hair except that it is much finer and softer, and instead of being black is red. My little ookum tookums has red hair!

Adam:   I am like to lose my mind over the capricious and harassing developments of

this unclassifiable zoological freak. If I could catch another one – but that is hopeless, it is a new variety, and the only sample; this is plain. But I caught a true kangaroo and brought it in, thinking that this one, being lonesome, would rather have that for company than have no kin at all, or any animal it could feel a nearness to or get sympathy from in its forlorn condition here among strangers who do not know its ways or habits, or what to do to make it feel that it is among friends, but it was a mistake – it went into such fits at the sight of the kangaroo that I was convinced it had never seen one before. I pity the poor noisy little animal, but there is nothing I can do to make it happy. If I could tame it – but

that is out of the question, the more I try the worse I seern to make it. It grieves me to the heart to see it in its little storms of sorrow and passion. I wanted to let it go, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

Eve:       That seems cruel! I would never let my little ookum tookums go! Itwouldbe

lonely! And I would miss it! It’s my little ookum tookums!

Adam:   Five Months Later… It is not a kangaroo. No, for it supports itself by holding

to her finger, and thus goes a few steps on its hind legs, and then falls down. It is probably some kind of a bear; and yet it has no tail – as yet – and no fur, except upon its head. It still keeps on growing – that is a curious circumstance, for bears get their growth earlier than this. Bears are dangerous – since our catastrophe – and I shall not be satisfied to have this one prowling about the place much longer without a muzzle on.

Eve:       He offered to get me a kangaroo if I would let this one go. Like I would ever

let my little ookum tookums go! I would risk all for it. Adam:        She was not like this before she lost her mind!

Eve:       Four Month Later… My little one has learned to walk around all by itself on

its hind legs, and says “poppa” and “momma.” It is certainly a wonderful species. This resemblance to words may be purely accidental, of course, and may have no purpose or meaning; but even in that case it is still extraordinary, and is a thing which no other animal can do. This imitation of speech, taken together with general absence of fur and entire absence of tail, sufficiently indicates that this is a new kind of animal. The further study of it will be exceedingly interesting.

Adam:   Meantime I will go off on a far expedition among the forests of the north and

make an exhaustive search. There must certainly be another one somewhere, and this one will be less dangerous when it has company of its own species. I will go straightway, but I will muzzle this one first.

Eve:       Three Months Later… Without stirring from my home estate, I have found

another one! I have such good luck! Adam might have hunted these woods a hundred years, but he would never have run across another ookum tookums!

Adam:   Next Day… I have been comparing the new one with the old one, and it is

perfectly plain that they are of the same breed. I was going to stuff one of them for my collection, but she is prejudiced against it for some reason or other; so I have relinquished the idea, though I think it is a mistake. It would be an irreparable loss to science if they should get away. The old one is tamer than it was and can laugh and talk like a parrot, having learned this, no doubt, from being with the parrot so much, and having the imitative faculty in a high developed degree. I shall be astonished if it turns out to be a new kind of parrot; and yet I ought not to be astonished, for it has already been everything else it could think of since those first days when it was a fish. The new one is as ugly as the old one was at first; has the same sulfur – and – raw – meat complexion and the same singular head without any fur on it. She calls it Abel.

Eve:       Ten Years Later… They are boys, we found it out long ago. It was their

coming in that small immature shape that puzzled us, we were not used to it. There are some girls now.

Adam:   Abel is a good boy, but if Cain had stayed a fish it would have improved him.

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning, it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. At first I thought she talked too much; but now I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of rny life. Blessed be the chestnut that brought us near together and taught rne to know the goodness of her heart and the sweetness of her spiritl (Adam exits.)

Eve:       He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am

proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. If he were plain, I should love him, if he were a wreck, I should love him; and I would work for him, and slave over him, and pray for him, and watch by his bedside until I died. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is mine and is masculine. There is no other reason, I suppose. And so I think it is as I first said: that this kind of love is not a product of reasoning and statistics. It just comes – none knows whence – and cannot explain itself. And doesn’t need to. It is what I think. But I am only a girl, the first that has examined this matter, and it may turn out that in my ignorance and inexperience I have not got it right. (Eve exits, then returns with Adam. They carry canes and they walk older and slower.)

Adam:   It is forty years later. I still can’t forget what happened to Abel. He was such

a good boy. And because Cain killed him, Cain is banished. So we lost two of them in one day. It was a dark and dreary time, I tell you, a dark and dreary time! It almost killed Eve. She was so devoted to both of them. You never want your children to go before you go. It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together – a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart of every

man that loves, until the end of time, and it shall be called by my name.

Eve:       But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is strong,

I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me – life without him would not be life, how could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated.

(Eve grabs her heart and fall slowly to the ground. Adam feels her pulse.)

Adam:   No, Eve, no! I cannot live alone! (He sobs for a minute, then stands

up.) When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall not see it anymore. The Garden is lost, but I found her, and am content. I loved her as well as I could, and she loved me with all the strength of her passionate nature. We lived together as one, and wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

(Curtain)